09 May 2016

Book Review: Lonesome Squirrel (1991) by Steven Fishman

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Wow!  This is one outrageously hilarious parody of the Church of Scientology.  It is in a class by itself as a completely thorough mockery of L. Ron Hubbard’s “religion.”  Very well done and great fun, but it is definitely not for everyone.  (Among other reasons for this, it is a very long document, and it seems to be only available online.) 

Although the book represents itself on the surface as a true autobiographical narrative, it is actually a work of fiction, while still uncannily reflecting the actual documented culture and policies of Scientology, albeit in a most exaggerated manner.  Yet it is not as far from the truth as one might think -- e.g., the very well-documented (from numerous other sources) culture of vicious infighting within Church ranks, etc.  Steve Fishman was actually never as much of a Scientologist as he claims, but he had studied tons of genuine Church books and history closely enough to gain an impressive expertise of its workings.  But he actually figures into the true history of Scientology by infamously causing some of the cult’s most secretly guarded “scriptures” to be publicly released, e.g., the story of galactic overlord Xenu, etc.  More on this below. 

Caveat:  Again, this is definitely not a book for everyone.  It is grossly blasphemous, vulgar, extremely offensive, misogynous, and way sick – which is part of its warped appeal – but it is funnier than Hell on Fire.  (E.g., as Fishman sings praises of the Church: “Even my bowel movements were clean and crisp, and it was all due to Scientology.”)  There is something in this book to offend almost everyone.  If you don’t have much informational background on Scientology and on its insane culture and criminal history, then you will not understand much of Lonesome Squirrel, but if you have been following the Hubbard cult closely then this book will blow your mind by its spot-on satire. 

Another Caveat:  Steve Fishman is a convicted criminal and a well-documented liar who is now in prison for the second time.  His first conviction (1990) was for mail fraud and obstruction of justice – which according to his fictional account in this book was in the service of the Church of Scientology – and he was sentenced to five years.  After serving some of that time and getting out on probation, Fishman got into another fraud scheme, and this time he is serving a 20-year sentence.  He can be a piece of shit, but he’s got a great sense of humor. 

Briefly, the story of how Steve Fishman publicly released top-secret Scientology scriptures.  On 6 May 1991, TIME magazine published a phenomenal cover story, “Scientology:  The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power”, and the Church of Scientology immediately sued the magazine for libel.  (The magazine won the case, but only after spending over $7,000,000 in the legal fight; this expensive “victory” quelled other journalists’ temptation to anger the Church for years to come.)  Apparently, the magazine’s cover story writer had believed Fishman’s wild account of his fictional career in Scientology and recounted some of Fishman’s most outrageous lies; and these were some of the things the Church held to be libelous. 

So the Church also sued Fishman, who represented himself in court.  In his massive personal library of Scientology lore he had somehow acquired authentic copies of the secret upper OT levels.  These “Operating Thetan” levels, OT 1-8, are as high as you can go in the Church, and you must pay hundreds of thousands of dollars before the uppermost secrets are revealed to you.  Fishman entered these OT level secrets as exhibits in open court files, and from there they were posted by others onto the Internet (famously known ever since as the Fishman Affidavit, aka, the Fishman Papers).  The Church then retreated from suing Fishman and tried, unsuccessfully, to stop online dissemination of the OT levels.  The most famous of these levels is OT-3, the “Wall of Fire” level where the story of Xenu was revealed.  (See South Park’s famous parody of Scientology in their episode “Trapped in the Closet”.)  That these Fishman Papers are actually authentic is proved by the fact that the Church tried to shut down Internet dissemination of the OT levels by arguing that their "copyrights" were being violated, thus admitting that these were their actual documents. 

At the very end of Chapter 18 of Lonesome Squirrel, Fishman claims that he personally “introduced Russell Means to the Libertarian Party” in 1984.  This being a Fishman claim, I am skeptical enough to call it total bullshit. 

Only a die-hard Scientology Watcher will appreciate this book and get its in-jokes, so I recommend it only to those twisted few. 

-Zenwind.

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